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I was trying to decide what topic to use for today’s blog, when something was brought to my attention and I knew it must have been fate! It involved a ‘so called’ girlfriend and alot of backstabbing, being 2 faced, lying and in general, being an ultimate bitch!! I won’t go into the whole story, as I honestly can’t be bothered to waste my time. But needless to say, I was upset that a girlfriend of mine could do something that evil to me. I thought that girls were meant to stick together?? So, it got me thinking about friendship, and the whole ‘sisterhood’ theory.  We read in books and see in films about the girl gangs who do everything together, have constantly got each others backs and live in this perfect, pink and fluffy, girly world! But what’s the reality??…………

“Great question!” said Emma, ” I broke away from having a group of friends at 13 – too much bitching, jealousy and competitiveness. I’m all about trust and loyalty in friendship, which is harder to find in these materialistic days!!”.  Katy  said pretty much the same, ” I don’t have a solid group of girl friends, I did at one time when I was younger   but yeah, things get too bitchy, fallings out that 2 from the group would spend too much time together, jealousy, fallings out over blokes, kids etc. ‘Sisterhood works when you’re younger, I think, but not so much as you get older”. In fact, the other 2 women I asked had exactly the same opinion. Nearly word for word really……..Marie, ” No I don’t have a solid group of girlfriends, not since I was at school. And I defo think that women are really bitchy, the ones I know anyway, and it seems worse these days than when I was younger”  and the Kelly pretty much repeated it as well, ” I have a small handful of friends I can rely on but I don’t have as many as I used to cause they are bitchy and girls can’t cope with honesty”.


It would seem then, that no woman agrees with the idea of female sisterhood. Standing together, being there for each other, having each others backs.  Honestly, I find this quite sad, even though I will openly admit I don’t have a solid group of female friends either. I haven’t since about 5 or 6 years ago. That was when I got ill, and all my friends slowly but surely disappeared (definite sisterhood there huh! NOT!) Us girls are always moaning about how badly men treat us, but it would seem that we can’t even rely on our girlfriends. We seem to moan just as much about our female friends as we do about the males. So who can we really rely on?? What happened to women standing together??? Are we all that  bitchy and nasty that we can’t get along???

Jealousy seemed to come up alot and maybe that’s the answer? We all want to be one better than the next, we want to get all the hot men, the good jobs. We want to be able to brag to our girlfriends about everything we have. We don’t want to be seen as failures to the same-sex. As Emma said, we live in a very materialistic world nowadays. Are the media at fault? We want to be seen as the ultimate woman cause of what we see and what we read, so we all have to be bigger and better. Either way, it makes you wonder what the world is coming to if we don’t have our girlfriends to fall back on. If we concentrated less on what we have and who we are as people, then maybe we can bring a bit of Girl Power back into our lives……..

When I was younger, I was always a bit ashamed to be a ‘larger chested’ woman, but my mum used to joke about with me and tell me if I’ve got it, I should flaunt it.  So one day I thought what the hell!! This is not to say I turned into the local streaker (not quite anyway) but I thought why should I hide what I have been naturally given?? Why should I be embarrassed about it? Most women pay thousands to have a set like mine haha (don’t worry there is a point coming!). As soon as I started ‘flaunting’ I found that I could definitely use it to my advantage. Whether it be wearing a lower cut top when I was in a club so I’d get more drinks bought for me, or so I’d get my cheesy chips free lol. I will also freely admit, that at times, I still will use what I have, if the need arises.

When I asked my opinionators, the girls seemed to have more of an idea as to what I was getting at as Katy showed when she said “I’ve used the fact that I’m a girl to get what I want lol, simple things like getting a discount on getting my car fixed. When I worked in the bar, if I was a bit short of cash then yeah, I’d wear a low-cut top to make more tips! As they say ‘if you got it, flaunt it!’ If no one’s getting hurt and you’re not putting yourself in danger, then yeah, why not?!” Emma also knew what I was getting at, ” I have, yes, when I was younger – ok ‘if you got it……’ but a long as it is what it is and not in a malicious way and not if it leaves you feeling cheap”. When it came to the guys though, I’m not sure if they understood completely. Ash seemed a little confused, “I’m not aware if I have or not?? But I’m told I’m a flirt alot anyway, erm, I suppose I’ve flirted with people I don’t fancy just ’cause’ – if that counts?? Paul was getting closer to what I meant, “Kinda, I was sleeping with the receptionist that got me onto my uni course. I did continue seeing her for a while after though. Aaron definitely was on the ball though, “Haha – yes and yes it worked! I can’t say I disagree because I’d be a hypocrite“. I’d like to know what it was he did though haha!! So, it would seem that everyone I had asked so far, had at some point, used their sexuality for their own gain and not seen a problem with it. Nothing bad had come from it, so why shouldn’t we??? It was good to know that there are a few people out there with their morals still intact…….Marie said “No, I’ve never used my sexuality to get what I want, at least I’m sure I haven’t and I don’t agree with it either!”. Without sounding ageist, I wondered whether her opinion was down to the way she was brought up and the generation but then Kelly who was brought up in a different generation seemed to agree with her, “I don’t agree with using our sexuality to get what we want because it gives us a name, unlike men who can do what they like and be ‘the man’ for doing it”. 

Age is not an issue, but it would seem that women are more tuned into their own sexuality, and know how to use it.  Is that such a bad thing?? If no one is getting hurt?? You’re not placing yourself in any danger??? They always say look after number one, and that’s all we are doing, surely??? Men, I would say, rely more on their mental abilities to get what they want (if you disagree please feel free to let me know). Who is really at fault though, the person using their sexuality……….or the person who falls for it??? Just food for thought…….

 


The dreaded day is finally upon us! To say I’m not a fan of Valentines Day would be the understatement of the year!! The way I see it is that it is a day that makes the single people feel completely worthless, the people in rubbish relationships try and pretend that things are perfect for 24 hours and those who are genuinally in love, know that you don’t need to take one day out of the year just to show your love to someone, there’s another 364 day’s you can do that (and should be!)  I could go on and on about this subject, but I won’t bore everyone. Maybe I’m just bitter cause I’m on my own this year?? Maybe I’m getting cynical with age??? Or maybe I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking!!

Liz obviously agreed with me when she said “against valentines day… it shouldnt take a certain day to tell the person u love that u love them…cards, flowers, chocs blah blah blah…what happened to romance?”  and the same with Marie, “Valentines day I dont feel is anything special at all cuz its just one day where you are supposed to show your partner how much u care but I think that should be done every day if you really love someone, I myself dont need valentines day to show Phil how much I love him Im always telling him, and he is the same way with me, and thats how it should be”. Maybe that’s just us girls though? Maybe we want romance every day of the year. So what do the men think? The first guy I asked was Paul, and as usual, his answer never failed to make me chuckle, “For, its nice to go out plus valentines sex is gooood!!!!!!!” . So is it just about the sex for men? Or do some of them agree with me? “Against in that a ‘hallmark’ holiday shouldn’t dictate when you show your love” said Aaron, who seems to be on my wave length. So I’ve heard the for and against ( although only one person is actually for at the moment ). But what did the others think? ” Valentines day is cute and endearing, a great opportunity to show someone you care….but it is also very commercial, money making and could easily get people into trouble!” said Emma, although I’m not sure what kind of trouble she meant?? Emma, I’d love to know more about that answer lol!!  Another person For Valentines was Kate, “im all for valentines…its a bit of fun. a chance to tell the person you love that you do love them. its no big deal if you dont get a card its just a laugh!!!”  and Kelly, “for… It reminds u of what you have as not always do u have time to go out. U don’t have to go all out to have a good day”.

It would seem then, that there doesn’t seem to be a majority answer. Each to their own I think, and much as I’m not a great fan, I can see why others do like the day. If it wasn’t taken so seriously then maybe I would find myself warming to the idea of Valentines, but I will never completely understand the point??? Why should you you have to have one day every year to shower your partner with gifts, love and affection? Why can’t we do that every single day?? What happened to good old romance? Maybe if we spent more time on treating our partners with the love and respect they deserve all year round, instead of trying to cram it all into one day, then maybe people wouldn’t have so many complaints about their relationships. True love knows no bounds……..this includes which day of the year it is!!!

 

This question was aimed at my girly opinionators, but as I was reading through what they had said, it seemed slightly unfair to the guys. So I posed a separate question to them, which you will find out as you read on.
When I first thought of this subject, I admit, that my idea of ‘man sex’ is unemotional. In some cases unattached, though I know that that’s not always the case. What surprised me more though, is that most of the women seemed to be on the same kind of page as me. Emotions were the first thing Kelly mentioned, “Womens emotions are completely different to mens……men can walk away and not have any emotion where as women get attached quickly with any sort of connection to members of the opposite sex. So my answer is NO!”. Even Emma brought up emotions, “I think some women say they can but this is just a front. I think, actually, that women can’t have sex without emotional attachment”. So are men all unemotional sex machines??????? I felt the need to speak to the men……..so atleast they could defend themselves. I asked them if they could quite happily have unattached and unemotional sex???
Kev made me chuckle with a straight, to the point answer, “YES”. Where as Paul gave me food for thought, I would say yes, the same way a female can. The type that like to use are a prime example”. He was joined in this thinking by Liz, “Depends on the woman”.
It would seem then, that it would all come down to emotions.
Emotion = A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling.
From speaking to the women, it really does sound like we think when it comes to men and sex, we think that they can quite happily switch their emotions off, as and when they like. But why can’t us girlies do the same?? Maybe Kate has the answer, “I don’t think women can have sex like men, unemotional, its something to do with the chemicals in our brain, that we feel an emotional connection with that person. Although I would have no idea, as I have only ever been with my hubby!”. Do we really have our brains wired differently? Without speaking to Drs and such, that’s not something I can comment on ( but definitely something I would love to research more! ). One thing did spring into my mind whilst thinking about it all though. What if men are just better at hiding their emotions, at putting them to one side as such? What if it’s not a case of not feeling the emotion, but more of being able to ignore them?? What if they don’t want to been seen as having ‘girly sex’ and being TOO emotional about it??? It seems to be a catch 22 situation, damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Well, if you’re a man it would seem so. If you show no emotion, you’re classed as an emotionless user, and too much, you’re too girly. Maybe this would explain a lot???? Or maybe it’s not even Man vs Woman, it’s Person vs Person, regardless of age and sex. It all boils down to the type of person you are.
I will say this though, women have a very defined idea when it comes to men and sex, whether it’s right or wrong and if men are unhappy with this and want to disagree with how us women think…….maybe they should show a bit of emotion and stand up for themselves haha!
As Marie says, Yes, I defo think women can have sex like a man for sure. Why not I say!!” Maybe she has the right idea!!
Maybe we should all just have sex exactly how we want to have it. Full of emotion or with a complete lack of it. And if you’re moaning over it ( or NOT as the case may be hehe ) you’re obviously just not having it with the right person!

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. This is a saying I have heard ever since I was young. It’s also a saying that I’ve always believed. Men and women are definitely from different planets, in my eyes. So it got me to thinking about how much their views vary on different subjects or not in some cases and, how I could spread the word to the rest of the world…….and maybe one day, just maybe, we can start to understand the opposite sex and how their minds work???
The first thing that came to mind was friendship between men and women. Can they be friends? Best friends? How do different kinds of relationships affect them? Can we be ‘just good friends’ (JGF), without complications? These are questions that never seems to have any definitive answer, so I thought maybe it was time to try and find one! So I asked my group of ‘opinionators’ what they thought…
I started by looking up the definition of the word friend. The first one I found was perfect for this subject.
Friend = A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
We all have friends of the same sex. People that we just hang out with, share our secrets with and just enjoy being around, but are there any other motives involved?? This brings me to the first ‘opinionator’. A 31 year old women, Emma. When I asked her if men and women can be ‘JGF’ she said “In some cases, yes, but not if there is ‘more’ to it eg; a confidence booster, a back up plan. Then it can ruin relationships”. This was pretty much the same opinion of the first male I asked. 23 year old, Ash, said “Yes, but only if there is no ulterior motive”. I think we all know what the ulterior motive really means……..SEX!!
Sex seems to be the one thing that keeps coming up, in most peoples opinions. The most honest being from a 34 year old male, Paul, who plainly stated, “Not if they have already f**ked”. I was slightly shocked at this, but maybe there’s a point there. Because looking through all the information everyone gave me, it all comes down to sexual attraction. 30 year old Liz said “Yes, they can be friends, as long as there’s no sexual feelings between them” and 22 year old, Kelly, pretty much agreed but added the ‘best friend’ into the mix when she said “I do believe you can have male friends and not be sexually attracted to them but being best mates, where you see them all the time, would bring out emotions and be put into false hope”. Does this mean that you can only be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you don’t find them attractive? Do they have to be ‘ugly’, in your eyes, to be your friend?? Do looks really come into it?
They say that when you meet someone, you make an opinion of them in the first 3 seconds of meeting them. This will obviously include how they look. My favourite answer of them all, came from 30 year old, Aaron. “Yes, cause it’s not like we all find every single person on the planet attractive”. It seems to me, to hit the nail right on the head. Now everyone has different opinions on whether someone is attractive or not, but when it comes down to it, plain and simple, everyone does agree on one thing. You can’t be friends with the opposite sex if you find them attractive in any way. Cause at some point sex will come up and as 44 year old Kev says, “Sex gets in the way of friendship”.
There was only one person though that did give me a slight ray of hope and that was Kate, a 30 year old mum of 3. “Yes, men and women can be friends. One of my best mates is a man. There is no other connection between us than just friends, as there would be between me and one of my girlfriends”.
So, it would seem that when it comes to the opinion of ‘Can men and women be just good friends, that men and women, regardless of age, actually seem to agree on this one. Yes, it is possible to be friends….as long as there is no sexual attraction between them. So girls and boys, if your looking for a friend in the opposite sex, just make sure you don’t fancy the pants off them!!

** I would like to state that anything posted in this blog, is of personal opinions, and in no way mean to cause any offence to anyone. My point, as the title says, is to tell is the way YOU see it. People are giving me their thoughts and I am just sharing them.**

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February 2012
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