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Ahhhhh the age-old question……Do you follow your heart or your head?? I don’t think there will ever be an answer to that one, but how about this?? When you fall in love, is it your heart or your head you lose?? We all shout it from the roof tops when we fall in love and lose our heart to someone, but are never quite so willing to admit when we lose our head over someone. But is it the same thing?  I know from past experience I have lost my head in so many different ways when in love. Yet I am happy to admit this, as it helps me, and maybe others, to learn from those mistakes! Because it’s not just when it’s over that we lose our minds, as most people would probably assume.  So how many people would admit to it? or is this just going to be another ‘love myth’??

Aaron started it off and made me chuckle when he admitted to what he had done in the past, ” God I have done so many ridiculous things! The worst was recording a song with a friend and sending it to a girl! I still cringe!!”. Where as Paul said ” I’ve only lost my head when I was cheated on”. Which goes with what I was saying about, how we freely admit to loosing our heads when something bad happens in the relationship. Ash brought up the clichés, that we all think about, “Lost my head?? I’ve certainly never done the ‘running through an airport’ cliché, if that’s what you mean?  And I can’t actually think of any stupid things I have done. Although I’m sure I have!”.  Selective memory there I think Ash lol! Stuu, though, got straight to the point….and a good point at that, “Both, otherwise you’re not in love”. 

The girls, as usual, seemed to have a bit more to say on the matter. Kate started off, “I think, to a point, we all loose our heads when we fall in love. All that matters is that one person. Nothing else.”  Liz backed this up, and was open about her mistakes, “I’ve lost my head while in love, AND lots of money! I took a loan out for an ex, bought him a car and got a mobile contract for him, in my name!! – DOH!!” I can think of a stronger word than Doh Liz! So love must affect our heads, not just our hearts. Emma brought up a scarier side to the matter, “I stayed in a rocky relationship that turned abusive – I married the guy as he promised it was all pre-marital nerves and stress – 4 months into the marriage, I kicked his sorry ass outta the home and am divorcing him as we speak!”  This goes to show how loosing our heads, can actually be quite dangerous for us, when we’re in love. Kelly told another story of how it can not always be a good thing, “I believe our hearts over rides our heads, very easily. I’ve gone against my whole family to be with someone who completely disrespected me but I was too blind to see it ’cause I fell for the lies he told me”. 

Everyone seems to be in agreement over this one, that you can and do loose your head when you’re in love. We all seem to agree too that it’s not actually a good thing! Is it not bad enough that we are giving our hearts away, that we end up loosing our rationality too! I guess it shows a dangerous side to love, and just proves that we need to keep our wits about us!

We all want to fall in love (don’t we??) and we see it as all flowers and hearts, and indeed it can be. But from the people I have spoken to, it’s made me realise that it’s one thing to give your heart away but a completely different thing to give your mind away. This isn’t to put a downer on love though. ‘Cause, c’mon. It’s lovely to be in love……..as long as you manage to keep your head 😉

When I started my blog, my aim wasn’t just to write about love, sex, men and women. I wanted it to be broader than that, to cover a whole range of topics, but in a way that people would hopefully find interesting 😉 So far though, it would seem, that’s all I  have written about……….love, sex, men and women!! This post I wanted to be about something different, but that people would still enjoy reading. A lot of ideas went through my mind, and then it hit me. That’s it. The Mind. Mental Health. A subject that is still shied away from but, none the less is still there.

About 3 months ago, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ll be honest and admit that the first thing that went through my mind was, what will other people think??? But, the more I thought about it, the more I started to think, do I really care what they think??? If they don’t like it, TOUGH!! So now, I am quite open about it. That’s not to say I run round the streets shouting ‘Hey look at me, I have BPD’ but I am more comfortable at least talking about it. So if someone asks me something I will happily answer them, if something happens, I find it easier to explain why it happened. The point is…..I’m not ashamed!!

Now it’s all well and good me saying I find talking about mental health, but what about other people?? I put this question to my opinionators…..Kate was quite open in her answer, “mental illness isn’t as much of a taboo subject as it used to be but it’s still unaccepted and poo pooed by people who have never experienced it. As you know ive suffered with depression for 12 years on and off. I’ve been to places no person should ever have to be. I’m not ashamed to talk about it. It’s part of who I am, of who I was then and I’ve learnt so much from what I‘ve been through. It’s made me who i am today.” The same with Paul, he had no problem admitting he had his own experience, “I dont think all mental illness are a taboo ~I my self have ADD and lisexia (dyslexix lol) it wasnt diagnosed till i went to uni (it was so nice to have a lable) but before i was dyagnosed i thought it was a bit of a myth and was used by lazy people who couldn’t be bothered to be accidemic im not a particularly lazy person i just struggle to concentrate on one thing at a time find it ways multitasking”.  Ash, on the other hand, made a good point when he said ” I don’t see it as a taboo subject, but I see it as a poorly taught subject, the problem with things like depression and even sometimes things like aspergers is that if someone claims they have it a doctor will often be forced to agree, at the risk of being wrong later and finding themselves liable. Personally I believe that labeling something is giving people the excuse to behave like it. For example I go through periods of sadness and if a doctor diagnosed me with depression I would feel like it was ok to feel like it rather than trying to sort myself out, not to tar everyone with the same brush, there are some serious mental illnesses out there, I just think they are a lot fewer in number than people believe they are.” Is life, nowadays, just a bit more stressful and people feel the need to have a label when they can’t cope with things? Do people use a diagnosis as an excuse? Something to play on?? In contrast, Emma tells of people’s reaction to her diagnosis, “I think all mental illnesses still have a stigma, people can think that you are not capable of certain things and don’t know how to act around you. I was diagnosed with Bipolar in December – and much to my surprise people have accepted it pretty well! I’m still me!”  and Aaron talks of his opinion on mental health and how, he himself, treats people; “definitely not and yes I have known a lot of people with different problems ranging from schizophrenia to psychosis to sever clinical depression. I don’t think I act any differently but I do try to take into account their situation and empathise with it.” Kelly also mentioned how, although she herself has never had any problems, she would deal with those around her who did, ” im quite happy to talk and help with illnesses iv not personally had anything but alot of my family have so I’ve adjusted to dealing with it and feel people should be more understanding of serious illness as alot of people are nieve”. Another person who was very open and forthcoming was Marie, “I defo think that mental illness is a taboo subject with a lot of people even in this day and age,and it shouldnt be, I think maybe some people who do suffer with this condition are still too afraid to mention it to people in case they get shunned, its like they have to try and hide the fact that they are suffering from this. I used to suffer myself with very bad depression it was when I was in my 20s and I shall never forget it either.My daughter was about 5 at the time and I still don’t know to this day what started it all off but it took about 18 months to fully recover from it with the docs help and plenty of meds,its something I never hope I have to go through again.I can talk about it now but at the time I couldn’t and just wanted to hide myself away from everyone I knew.” The person that hit home the hardest though was Liz, “yes and no….it is and isn’t a taboo subject, yes I have severe depression have had for 13 years, and yes I feel very comfortable talking about it . mental illness runs in my family and I have lost 2 members of my immediate family to suicide due to mental health.” It brings up and reminds us of the darker side to mental health!

From hearing everyone’s comments, it would seem that maybe it’s not such a taboo subject after all. Everyone seemed comfortable enough to talk about it, and it also showed that the majority had had their own personal experience. So is it more common than we realise??

People are more than happy to go to the doctor is they have something wrong with their body. An arm. A Leg. A sore throat. The mind is part of our body, surely the most important part, so why would people not want to keep that looked after. I see a psychiatrist every 3 months. It keeps me on track. I can get things off my mind. I learn how to cope with thoughts I might not want to have. In all, he helps me to look after my mind. I don’t see any embarrassment with that?? Why should anyone be embarrassed?? We don’t hide the fact when we have flu do we?? The world we live in today is a strange and complicated place, so it’s not surprising some people end up with mental health problems, but how much do you think could be passed down to us?? My own mother and father have had their own issues, luckily though they have come out stronger on the other side. Then there are people less fortunate, as Liz mentioned, she lost 2 family members to suicide, down to mental health issues. Don’t get me wrong there probably are people out there who try to milk it, for the attention or for many other reasons. But we need to remember that Mental Health issues are real, and that they are nothing to be ashamed of. If people just took the time to educate themselves, or at least try to understand slightly, then maybe we wouldn’t be loosing our loved ones to these kind of problems.

All it comes down to is if you are prepared to understand. If you are, brilliant, it’s a step closer to bringing it out in the open. To be able to help those who are truly suffering. And for those who aren’t prepared; that’s fine. But don’t knock something you have no idea about. Chances are, at some point in your life, you may need help too……….

**This blog is dedicated to Shippy who took his own life a year tomorrow, and too all the others who have lost their lives, because there was not enough help there for them. You will all be in our hearts forever, and never forgotten **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was thinking about ideas for this blog whilst watching good old Jeremy Kyle (yes I admit it, I do watch it at times!!). There are so many people going on there, now a days, that have issues with their parents. These people, who are now fully grown adults, blaming their parents for the way their own lives have turned out, or for things that happened in the past. I have always joked around with my own mum, telling her I blame her for this and that, but i wander………can we really blame the parents for everything????

I put this forward to my opinionators and asked them if they thought this saying was true, and what their thoughts were on the subject.  Gav kept it short and sweet for us “In some circumstances” where as Zara had a bit more to say on the subject “Yes and no…. No because a lot of problems are caused by peer pressure at school and/or where they grow up… Yes because it only takes one child to begin the bad behaviour process that is passed onto other children, therefore where did that child learn it’s bad behaviour from? However, I think around 80% of the time, I could probably see why the child behaves the way it does after looking at its parents”. It was Jason that brought up the subject of nature vs nurture though,  “This is the whole Nature Vs. Nurture argument. Nearly everything you could discuss there are pros and cons on both sides. No one side is correct is a natural mix of the two which results in the end product, however, in radical sects the Nurture part takes presidence”. I think Marie really seemed to hit the nail on the head when she said “some parents are shocking role models for their kids, you only have to watch Jeremy Kyle to see how true that is. So how can we expect the kids to grow up any different when they only see bad behaviour from parents”.  Everyone seems to be divided on this subject. The only person who had an opinion for one side or the other, was Julie, “100% yes. As a child raised distinctly differently to my sister … I was my dads, who was often away. Sister was my mums. We moved every 2 years. My sister and I would both agree relationships and emotions are screwed. A lot of my mates who were also military kids agree they have the same issues. As a mum myself it was hard realising my dad spent my childhood compensating for the lack of love shown by my mum and ignored blatant abuse but never addressed it”. Some would say that she has such a strong opinion BECAUSE of the way she was brought up though. Aaron put a spin on the entire question and brought up a good point, “We’re in a generation of parents who weren’t really ready for parenthood and as such don’t know how best to discipline children. But there are other factors that come to bear. Like peer groups, schools a etc”. Is it a case, as Jezz says, of kids having kids???

It seems we are living in this new ‘Jeremy Kyle’ era where everything seems to be based on what he says, who’s on his show’s, why they’re on there and what they look like. I bet all of you that have ever watched it, have then gone out and seen someone in a situation and then compared it to the show???? If you say you haven’t, I’ll put money on it that you are lying!! ( and I’ll get you to do a lie detector on the show to prove it haha )

It would probably seem like I’m getting off the subject here, but I think the real answer to the question, truly is Nature vs Nurture vs Jeremy Kyle!!! Does this mean any issues we have with our parents, we should be straight on the show???

I am a strong believer that the parents do have a lot to answer for BUT that we should always remember that those parents learnt from theirs and so on and so on. Where does it end???? How many generations are we meant to blame? and for how long??? Julie said one of the strongest things I’ve heard in a long time, regarding her own mother, “I forgive her and now I can say we are close because you can’t change the past”. Is this the whole point??? That no matter what our parents do, the best thing for us to do is learn to forgive?? We are our own people, and at a certain age we should learn to stop pointing the finger and placing the blame, and learn to live our lives the way we want to live them. Not how our parents want us to, and not because of how we were brought up. Because it’s what we choose. Unfortunately this does come at a certain age. So what about the tearaways on the streets now?? The gangs of kids causing mayhem??? The blame is always laid on them but from talking to everyone, it’s not just them that it should be. They do learn behaviour from somewhere, that is a given. So maybe instead of treating these kids like criminals, more time should be spent on finding out where this behaviour came from and looking at the parents. Maybe then something can be done about it early enough for a change to be made.

Failing that, let’s stick them all on Jezzas show and let him sort it all out, after all, he seems to know best, right??

When I was younger, I was always a bit ashamed to be a ‘larger chested’ woman, but my mum used to joke about with me and tell me if I’ve got it, I should flaunt it.  So one day I thought what the hell!! This is not to say I turned into the local streaker (not quite anyway) but I thought why should I hide what I have been naturally given?? Why should I be embarrassed about it? Most women pay thousands to have a set like mine haha (don’t worry there is a point coming!). As soon as I started ‘flaunting’ I found that I could definitely use it to my advantage. Whether it be wearing a lower cut top when I was in a club so I’d get more drinks bought for me, or so I’d get my cheesy chips free lol. I will also freely admit, that at times, I still will use what I have, if the need arises.

When I asked my opinionators, the girls seemed to have more of an idea as to what I was getting at as Katy showed when she said “I’ve used the fact that I’m a girl to get what I want lol, simple things like getting a discount on getting my car fixed. When I worked in the bar, if I was a bit short of cash then yeah, I’d wear a low-cut top to make more tips! As they say ‘if you got it, flaunt it!’ If no one’s getting hurt and you’re not putting yourself in danger, then yeah, why not?!” Emma also knew what I was getting at, ” I have, yes, when I was younger – ok ‘if you got it……’ but a long as it is what it is and not in a malicious way and not if it leaves you feeling cheap”. When it came to the guys though, I’m not sure if they understood completely. Ash seemed a little confused, “I’m not aware if I have or not?? But I’m told I’m a flirt alot anyway, erm, I suppose I’ve flirted with people I don’t fancy just ’cause’ – if that counts?? Paul was getting closer to what I meant, “Kinda, I was sleeping with the receptionist that got me onto my uni course. I did continue seeing her for a while after though. Aaron definitely was on the ball though, “Haha – yes and yes it worked! I can’t say I disagree because I’d be a hypocrite“. I’d like to know what it was he did though haha!! So, it would seem that everyone I had asked so far, had at some point, used their sexuality for their own gain and not seen a problem with it. Nothing bad had come from it, so why shouldn’t we??? It was good to know that there are a few people out there with their morals still intact…….Marie said “No, I’ve never used my sexuality to get what I want, at least I’m sure I haven’t and I don’t agree with it either!”. Without sounding ageist, I wondered whether her opinion was down to the way she was brought up and the generation but then Kelly who was brought up in a different generation seemed to agree with her, “I don’t agree with using our sexuality to get what we want because it gives us a name, unlike men who can do what they like and be ‘the man’ for doing it”. 

Age is not an issue, but it would seem that women are more tuned into their own sexuality, and know how to use it.  Is that such a bad thing?? If no one is getting hurt?? You’re not placing yourself in any danger??? They always say look after number one, and that’s all we are doing, surely??? Men, I would say, rely more on their mental abilities to get what they want (if you disagree please feel free to let me know). Who is really at fault though, the person using their sexuality……….or the person who falls for it??? Just food for thought…….

 


The dreaded day is finally upon us! To say I’m not a fan of Valentines Day would be the understatement of the year!! The way I see it is that it is a day that makes the single people feel completely worthless, the people in rubbish relationships try and pretend that things are perfect for 24 hours and those who are genuinally in love, know that you don’t need to take one day out of the year just to show your love to someone, there’s another 364 day’s you can do that (and should be!)  I could go on and on about this subject, but I won’t bore everyone. Maybe I’m just bitter cause I’m on my own this year?? Maybe I’m getting cynical with age??? Or maybe I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking!!

Liz obviously agreed with me when she said “against valentines day… it shouldnt take a certain day to tell the person u love that u love them…cards, flowers, chocs blah blah blah…what happened to romance?”  and the same with Marie, “Valentines day I dont feel is anything special at all cuz its just one day where you are supposed to show your partner how much u care but I think that should be done every day if you really love someone, I myself dont need valentines day to show Phil how much I love him Im always telling him, and he is the same way with me, and thats how it should be”. Maybe that’s just us girls though? Maybe we want romance every day of the year. So what do the men think? The first guy I asked was Paul, and as usual, his answer never failed to make me chuckle, “For, its nice to go out plus valentines sex is gooood!!!!!!!” . So is it just about the sex for men? Or do some of them agree with me? “Against in that a ‘hallmark’ holiday shouldn’t dictate when you show your love” said Aaron, who seems to be on my wave length. So I’ve heard the for and against ( although only one person is actually for at the moment ). But what did the others think? ” Valentines day is cute and endearing, a great opportunity to show someone you care….but it is also very commercial, money making and could easily get people into trouble!” said Emma, although I’m not sure what kind of trouble she meant?? Emma, I’d love to know more about that answer lol!!  Another person For Valentines was Kate, “im all for valentines…its a bit of fun. a chance to tell the person you love that you do love them. its no big deal if you dont get a card its just a laugh!!!”  and Kelly, “for… It reminds u of what you have as not always do u have time to go out. U don’t have to go all out to have a good day”.

It would seem then, that there doesn’t seem to be a majority answer. Each to their own I think, and much as I’m not a great fan, I can see why others do like the day. If it wasn’t taken so seriously then maybe I would find myself warming to the idea of Valentines, but I will never completely understand the point??? Why should you you have to have one day every year to shower your partner with gifts, love and affection? Why can’t we do that every single day?? What happened to good old romance? Maybe if we spent more time on treating our partners with the love and respect they deserve all year round, instead of trying to cram it all into one day, then maybe people wouldn’t have so many complaints about their relationships. True love knows no bounds……..this includes which day of the year it is!!!

 

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. This is a saying I have heard ever since I was young. It’s also a saying that I’ve always believed. Men and women are definitely from different planets, in my eyes. So it got me to thinking about how much their views vary on different subjects or not in some cases and, how I could spread the word to the rest of the world…….and maybe one day, just maybe, we can start to understand the opposite sex and how their minds work???
The first thing that came to mind was friendship between men and women. Can they be friends? Best friends? How do different kinds of relationships affect them? Can we be ‘just good friends’ (JGF), without complications? These are questions that never seems to have any definitive answer, so I thought maybe it was time to try and find one! So I asked my group of ‘opinionators’ what they thought…
I started by looking up the definition of the word friend. The first one I found was perfect for this subject.
Friend = A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
We all have friends of the same sex. People that we just hang out with, share our secrets with and just enjoy being around, but are there any other motives involved?? This brings me to the first ‘opinionator’. A 31 year old women, Emma. When I asked her if men and women can be ‘JGF’ she said “In some cases, yes, but not if there is ‘more’ to it eg; a confidence booster, a back up plan. Then it can ruin relationships”. This was pretty much the same opinion of the first male I asked. 23 year old, Ash, said “Yes, but only if there is no ulterior motive”. I think we all know what the ulterior motive really means……..SEX!!
Sex seems to be the one thing that keeps coming up, in most peoples opinions. The most honest being from a 34 year old male, Paul, who plainly stated, “Not if they have already f**ked”. I was slightly shocked at this, but maybe there’s a point there. Because looking through all the information everyone gave me, it all comes down to sexual attraction. 30 year old Liz said “Yes, they can be friends, as long as there’s no sexual feelings between them” and 22 year old, Kelly, pretty much agreed but added the ‘best friend’ into the mix when she said “I do believe you can have male friends and not be sexually attracted to them but being best mates, where you see them all the time, would bring out emotions and be put into false hope”. Does this mean that you can only be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you don’t find them attractive? Do they have to be ‘ugly’, in your eyes, to be your friend?? Do looks really come into it?
They say that when you meet someone, you make an opinion of them in the first 3 seconds of meeting them. This will obviously include how they look. My favourite answer of them all, came from 30 year old, Aaron. “Yes, cause it’s not like we all find every single person on the planet attractive”. It seems to me, to hit the nail right on the head. Now everyone has different opinions on whether someone is attractive or not, but when it comes down to it, plain and simple, everyone does agree on one thing. You can’t be friends with the opposite sex if you find them attractive in any way. Cause at some point sex will come up and as 44 year old Kev says, “Sex gets in the way of friendship”.
There was only one person though that did give me a slight ray of hope and that was Kate, a 30 year old mum of 3. “Yes, men and women can be friends. One of my best mates is a man. There is no other connection between us than just friends, as there would be between me and one of my girlfriends”.
So, it would seem that when it comes to the opinion of ‘Can men and women be just good friends, that men and women, regardless of age, actually seem to agree on this one. Yes, it is possible to be friends….as long as there is no sexual attraction between them. So girls and boys, if your looking for a friend in the opposite sex, just make sure you don’t fancy the pants off them!!

** I would like to state that anything posted in this blog, is of personal opinions, and in no way mean to cause any offence to anyone. My point, as the title says, is to tell is the way YOU see it. People are giving me their thoughts and I am just sharing them.**

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