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Ahhhhh the age-old question……Do you follow your heart or your head?? I don’t think there will ever be an answer to that one, but how about this?? When you fall in love, is it your heart or your head you lose?? We all shout it from the roof tops when we fall in love and lose our heart to someone, but are never quite so willing to admit when we lose our head over someone. But is it the same thing?  I know from past experience I have lost my head in so many different ways when in love. Yet I am happy to admit this, as it helps me, and maybe others, to learn from those mistakes! Because it’s not just when it’s over that we lose our minds, as most people would probably assume.  So how many people would admit to it? or is this just going to be another ‘love myth’??

Aaron started it off and made me chuckle when he admitted to what he had done in the past, ” God I have done so many ridiculous things! The worst was recording a song with a friend and sending it to a girl! I still cringe!!”. Where as Paul said ” I’ve only lost my head when I was cheated on”. Which goes with what I was saying about, how we freely admit to loosing our heads when something bad happens in the relationship. Ash brought up the clichés, that we all think about, “Lost my head?? I’ve certainly never done the ‘running through an airport’ cliché, if that’s what you mean?  And I can’t actually think of any stupid things I have done. Although I’m sure I have!”.  Selective memory there I think Ash lol! Stuu, though, got straight to the point….and a good point at that, “Both, otherwise you’re not in love”. 

The girls, as usual, seemed to have a bit more to say on the matter. Kate started off, “I think, to a point, we all loose our heads when we fall in love. All that matters is that one person. Nothing else.”  Liz backed this up, and was open about her mistakes, “I’ve lost my head while in love, AND lots of money! I took a loan out for an ex, bought him a car and got a mobile contract for him, in my name!! – DOH!!” I can think of a stronger word than Doh Liz! So love must affect our heads, not just our hearts. Emma brought up a scarier side to the matter, “I stayed in a rocky relationship that turned abusive – I married the guy as he promised it was all pre-marital nerves and stress – 4 months into the marriage, I kicked his sorry ass outta the home and am divorcing him as we speak!”  This goes to show how loosing our heads, can actually be quite dangerous for us, when we’re in love. Kelly told another story of how it can not always be a good thing, “I believe our hearts over rides our heads, very easily. I’ve gone against my whole family to be with someone who completely disrespected me but I was too blind to see it ’cause I fell for the lies he told me”. 

Everyone seems to be in agreement over this one, that you can and do loose your head when you’re in love. We all seem to agree too that it’s not actually a good thing! Is it not bad enough that we are giving our hearts away, that we end up loosing our rationality too! I guess it shows a dangerous side to love, and just proves that we need to keep our wits about us!

We all want to fall in love (don’t we??) and we see it as all flowers and hearts, and indeed it can be. But from the people I have spoken to, it’s made me realise that it’s one thing to give your heart away but a completely different thing to give your mind away. This isn’t to put a downer on love though. ‘Cause, c’mon. It’s lovely to be in love……..as long as you manage to keep your head 😉

When I started my blog, my aim wasn’t just to write about love, sex, men and women. I wanted it to be broader than that, to cover a whole range of topics, but in a way that people would hopefully find interesting 😉 So far though, it would seem, that’s all I  have written about……….love, sex, men and women!! This post I wanted to be about something different, but that people would still enjoy reading. A lot of ideas went through my mind, and then it hit me. That’s it. The Mind. Mental Health. A subject that is still shied away from but, none the less is still there.

About 3 months ago, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ll be honest and admit that the first thing that went through my mind was, what will other people think??? But, the more I thought about it, the more I started to think, do I really care what they think??? If they don’t like it, TOUGH!! So now, I am quite open about it. That’s not to say I run round the streets shouting ‘Hey look at me, I have BPD’ but I am more comfortable at least talking about it. So if someone asks me something I will happily answer them, if something happens, I find it easier to explain why it happened. The point is…..I’m not ashamed!!

Now it’s all well and good me saying I find talking about mental health, but what about other people?? I put this question to my opinionators…..Kate was quite open in her answer, “mental illness isn’t as much of a taboo subject as it used to be but it’s still unaccepted and poo pooed by people who have never experienced it. As you know ive suffered with depression for 12 years on and off. I’ve been to places no person should ever have to be. I’m not ashamed to talk about it. It’s part of who I am, of who I was then and I’ve learnt so much from what I‘ve been through. It’s made me who i am today.” The same with Paul, he had no problem admitting he had his own experience, “I dont think all mental illness are a taboo ~I my self have ADD and lisexia (dyslexix lol) it wasnt diagnosed till i went to uni (it was so nice to have a lable) but before i was dyagnosed i thought it was a bit of a myth and was used by lazy people who couldn’t be bothered to be accidemic im not a particularly lazy person i just struggle to concentrate on one thing at a time find it ways multitasking”.  Ash, on the other hand, made a good point when he said ” I don’t see it as a taboo subject, but I see it as a poorly taught subject, the problem with things like depression and even sometimes things like aspergers is that if someone claims they have it a doctor will often be forced to agree, at the risk of being wrong later and finding themselves liable. Personally I believe that labeling something is giving people the excuse to behave like it. For example I go through periods of sadness and if a doctor diagnosed me with depression I would feel like it was ok to feel like it rather than trying to sort myself out, not to tar everyone with the same brush, there are some serious mental illnesses out there, I just think they are a lot fewer in number than people believe they are.” Is life, nowadays, just a bit more stressful and people feel the need to have a label when they can’t cope with things? Do people use a diagnosis as an excuse? Something to play on?? In contrast, Emma tells of people’s reaction to her diagnosis, “I think all mental illnesses still have a stigma, people can think that you are not capable of certain things and don’t know how to act around you. I was diagnosed with Bipolar in December – and much to my surprise people have accepted it pretty well! I’m still me!”  and Aaron talks of his opinion on mental health and how, he himself, treats people; “definitely not and yes I have known a lot of people with different problems ranging from schizophrenia to psychosis to sever clinical depression. I don’t think I act any differently but I do try to take into account their situation and empathise with it.” Kelly also mentioned how, although she herself has never had any problems, she would deal with those around her who did, ” im quite happy to talk and help with illnesses iv not personally had anything but alot of my family have so I’ve adjusted to dealing with it and feel people should be more understanding of serious illness as alot of people are nieve”. Another person who was very open and forthcoming was Marie, “I defo think that mental illness is a taboo subject with a lot of people even in this day and age,and it shouldnt be, I think maybe some people who do suffer with this condition are still too afraid to mention it to people in case they get shunned, its like they have to try and hide the fact that they are suffering from this. I used to suffer myself with very bad depression it was when I was in my 20s and I shall never forget it either.My daughter was about 5 at the time and I still don’t know to this day what started it all off but it took about 18 months to fully recover from it with the docs help and plenty of meds,its something I never hope I have to go through again.I can talk about it now but at the time I couldn’t and just wanted to hide myself away from everyone I knew.” The person that hit home the hardest though was Liz, “yes and no….it is and isn’t a taboo subject, yes I have severe depression have had for 13 years, and yes I feel very comfortable talking about it . mental illness runs in my family and I have lost 2 members of my immediate family to suicide due to mental health.” It brings up and reminds us of the darker side to mental health!

From hearing everyone’s comments, it would seem that maybe it’s not such a taboo subject after all. Everyone seemed comfortable enough to talk about it, and it also showed that the majority had had their own personal experience. So is it more common than we realise??

People are more than happy to go to the doctor is they have something wrong with their body. An arm. A Leg. A sore throat. The mind is part of our body, surely the most important part, so why would people not want to keep that looked after. I see a psychiatrist every 3 months. It keeps me on track. I can get things off my mind. I learn how to cope with thoughts I might not want to have. In all, he helps me to look after my mind. I don’t see any embarrassment with that?? Why should anyone be embarrassed?? We don’t hide the fact when we have flu do we?? The world we live in today is a strange and complicated place, so it’s not surprising some people end up with mental health problems, but how much do you think could be passed down to us?? My own mother and father have had their own issues, luckily though they have come out stronger on the other side. Then there are people less fortunate, as Liz mentioned, she lost 2 family members to suicide, down to mental health issues. Don’t get me wrong there probably are people out there who try to milk it, for the attention or for many other reasons. But we need to remember that Mental Health issues are real, and that they are nothing to be ashamed of. If people just took the time to educate themselves, or at least try to understand slightly, then maybe we wouldn’t be loosing our loved ones to these kind of problems.

All it comes down to is if you are prepared to understand. If you are, brilliant, it’s a step closer to bringing it out in the open. To be able to help those who are truly suffering. And for those who aren’t prepared; that’s fine. But don’t knock something you have no idea about. Chances are, at some point in your life, you may need help too……….

**This blog is dedicated to Shippy who took his own life a year tomorrow, and too all the others who have lost their lives, because there was not enough help there for them. You will all be in our hearts forever, and never forgotten **

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars. This is a saying I have heard ever since I was young. It’s also a saying that I’ve always believed. Men and women are definitely from different planets, in my eyes. So it got me to thinking about how much their views vary on different subjects or not in some cases and, how I could spread the word to the rest of the world…….and maybe one day, just maybe, we can start to understand the opposite sex and how their minds work???
The first thing that came to mind was friendship between men and women. Can they be friends? Best friends? How do different kinds of relationships affect them? Can we be ‘just good friends’ (JGF), without complications? These are questions that never seems to have any definitive answer, so I thought maybe it was time to try and find one! So I asked my group of ‘opinionators’ what they thought…
I started by looking up the definition of the word friend. The first one I found was perfect for this subject.
Friend = A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.
We all have friends of the same sex. People that we just hang out with, share our secrets with and just enjoy being around, but are there any other motives involved?? This brings me to the first ‘opinionator’. A 31 year old women, Emma. When I asked her if men and women can be ‘JGF’ she said “In some cases, yes, but not if there is ‘more’ to it eg; a confidence booster, a back up plan. Then it can ruin relationships”. This was pretty much the same opinion of the first male I asked. 23 year old, Ash, said “Yes, but only if there is no ulterior motive”. I think we all know what the ulterior motive really means……..SEX!!
Sex seems to be the one thing that keeps coming up, in most peoples opinions. The most honest being from a 34 year old male, Paul, who plainly stated, “Not if they have already f**ked”. I was slightly shocked at this, but maybe there’s a point there. Because looking through all the information everyone gave me, it all comes down to sexual attraction. 30 year old Liz said “Yes, they can be friends, as long as there’s no sexual feelings between them” and 22 year old, Kelly, pretty much agreed but added the ‘best friend’ into the mix when she said “I do believe you can have male friends and not be sexually attracted to them but being best mates, where you see them all the time, would bring out emotions and be put into false hope”. Does this mean that you can only be friends with someone of the opposite sex if you don’t find them attractive? Do they have to be ‘ugly’, in your eyes, to be your friend?? Do looks really come into it?
They say that when you meet someone, you make an opinion of them in the first 3 seconds of meeting them. This will obviously include how they look. My favourite answer of them all, came from 30 year old, Aaron. “Yes, cause it’s not like we all find every single person on the planet attractive”. It seems to me, to hit the nail right on the head. Now everyone has different opinions on whether someone is attractive or not, but when it comes down to it, plain and simple, everyone does agree on one thing. You can’t be friends with the opposite sex if you find them attractive in any way. Cause at some point sex will come up and as 44 year old Kev says, “Sex gets in the way of friendship”.
There was only one person though that did give me a slight ray of hope and that was Kate, a 30 year old mum of 3. “Yes, men and women can be friends. One of my best mates is a man. There is no other connection between us than just friends, as there would be between me and one of my girlfriends”.
So, it would seem that when it comes to the opinion of ‘Can men and women be just good friends, that men and women, regardless of age, actually seem to agree on this one. Yes, it is possible to be friends….as long as there is no sexual attraction between them. So girls and boys, if your looking for a friend in the opposite sex, just make sure you don’t fancy the pants off them!!

** I would like to state that anything posted in this blog, is of personal opinions, and in no way mean to cause any offence to anyone. My point, as the title says, is to tell is the way YOU see it. People are giving me their thoughts and I am just sharing them.**

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June 2017
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