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I was thinking about ideas for this blog whilst watching good old Jeremy Kyle (yes I admit it, I do watch it at times!!). There are so many people going on there, now a days, that have issues with their parents. These people, who are now fully grown adults, blaming their parents for the way their own lives have turned out, or for things that happened in the past. I have always joked around with my own mum, telling her I blame her for this and that, but i wander………can we really blame the parents for everything????
I put this forward to my opinionators and asked them if they thought this saying was true, and what their thoughts were on the subject. Gav kept it short and sweet for us “In some circumstances” where as Zara had a bit more to say on the subject “Yes and no…. No because a lot of problems are caused by peer pressure at school and/or where they grow up… Yes because it only takes one child to begin the bad behaviour process that is passed onto other children, therefore where did that child learn it’s bad behaviour from? However, I think around 80% of the time, I could probably see why the child behaves the way it does after looking at its parents”. It was Jason that brought up the subject of nature vs nurture though, “This is the whole Nature Vs. Nurture argument. Nearly everything you could discuss there are pros and cons on both sides. No one side is correct is a natural mix of the two which results in the end product, however, in radical sects the Nurture part takes presidence”. I think Marie really seemed to hit the nail on the head when she said “some parents are shocking role models for their kids, you only have to watch Jeremy Kyle to see how true that is. So how can we expect the kids to grow up any different when they only see bad behaviour from parents”. Everyone seems to be divided on this subject. The only person who had an opinion for one side or the other, was Julie, “100% yes. As a child raised distinctly differently to my sister … I was my dads, who was often away. Sister was my mums. We moved every 2 years. My sister and I would both agree relationships and emotions are screwed. A lot of my mates who were also military kids agree they have the same issues. As a mum myself it was hard realising my dad spent my childhood compensating for the lack of love shown by my mum and ignored blatant abuse but never addressed it”. Some would say that she has such a strong opinion BECAUSE of the way she was brought up though. Aaron put a spin on the entire question and brought up a good point, “We’re in a generation of parents who weren’t really ready for parenthood and as such don’t know how best to discipline children. But there are other factors that come to bear. Like peer groups, schools a etc”. Is it a case, as Jezz says, of kids having kids???
It seems we are living in this new ‘Jeremy Kyle’ era where everything seems to be based on what he says, who’s on his show’s, why they’re on there and what they look like. I bet all of you that have ever watched it, have then gone out and seen someone in a situation and then compared it to the show???? If you say you haven’t, I’ll put money on it that you are lying!! ( and I’ll get you to do a lie detector on the show to prove it haha )
It would probably seem like I’m getting off the subject here, but I think the real answer to the question, truly is Nature vs Nurture vs Jeremy Kyle!!! Does this mean any issues we have with our parents, we should be straight on the show???
I am a strong believer that the parents do have a lot to answer for BUT that we should always remember that those parents learnt from theirs and so on and so on. Where does it end???? How many generations are we meant to blame? and for how long??? Julie said one of the strongest things I’ve heard in a long time, regarding her own mother, “I forgive her and now I can say we are close because you can’t change the past”. Is this the whole point??? That no matter what our parents do, the best thing for us to do is learn to forgive?? We are our own people, and at a certain age we should learn to stop pointing the finger and placing the blame, and learn to live our lives the way we want to live them. Not how our parents want us to, and not because of how we were brought up. Because it’s what we choose. Unfortunately this does come at a certain age. So what about the tearaways on the streets now?? The gangs of kids causing mayhem??? The blame is always laid on them but from talking to everyone, it’s not just them that it should be. They do learn behaviour from somewhere, that is a given. So maybe instead of treating these kids like criminals, more time should be spent on finding out where this behaviour came from and looking at the parents. Maybe then something can be done about it early enough for a change to be made.
Failing that, let’s stick them all on Jezzas show and let him sort it all out, after all, he seems to know best, right??